surrounded constantly by screens yet with endless solitude to spend in my own head, I find myself ungrounded. sometimes I have to actively refocus my eyes.looking for solidity, I reach into digital visual spaces to anchor me to something. when anxiety is high - almost always - I play movies, TV, youtube videos in the background to keep me company while I work and it almost feels like a friend in the room. dozens of hours of video blend seamlessly in my brain, swimming around with imagined interactions, course calendars, intrusive thoughts, zoom calls, vague reminders to eat something soon.
in october 2021, I posted an open question on instagram about others’ lingering sensory awareness during dissociation and one person told me: “it’s like watching a movie but not really paying attention”. my cousin said that it makes them feel like they’re “separated from everything by a glass.” for some people, it’s voices seeping in, a hyper awareness of their own weight, or only warm lights registering. this video is an experiment in simulating my own dissociative daydreams and the vaporous sense of being here but only just.